I thought I’d leave a few humorous antidotes. I Hope you like them, and they give you something to smile about for the rest of the week into next week. My husband received this from a friend of his.
Minister Billy Graham
The Reverend Billy Graham tells of a time early in his ministry when he arrived in a small town to preach a sermon. Wanting to mail a letter, he asked a young boy where the post office was. When the boy had told him, Dr. Graham thanked him and said, “If you’ll come to the Church this evening, you can hear me telling everyone how to get to Heaven.”
“I don’t think I’ll be there,” the boy said. “You don’t even know your way to the post office.”
Billy Graham was returning to Charlotte after a speaking engagement and when his plane arrived there was a limousine to transport him to his home. As he prepared to get into the limo, he stopped and spoke to the driver.
‘You know’ he said, ‘I am 87 years old and I have never
driven a limousine. Would you mind if I drove it for a while?’
The driver said, ‘No problem. Have at it.’
Billy gets into the driver’s seat and they head off down the highway. A short distance away sat a rookie State Trooper operating his first speed trap.
The long black limo went by him doing 70 in a 55 mph zone.
The young trooper pulled out and easily caught the limo, then got out of his patrol car and walked up to the driver’s door. As the glass was rolled down, he was surprised to see who was driving.
He immediately excused himself and went back to his car and called his supervisor. ‘I know we are supposed to enforce the law…. but I also know that important people are given certain courtesies. I need to know what I should do because I have stopped a very important person.’
The supervisor asked, ‘Is it the governor?’
The young trooper said, ‘No, he’s more important than that.’
The supervisor said, ‘Oh, so it’s the president.’
The young trooper said, ‘No, he’s even more Important than that.’
After a moment, the supervisor finally asked, ‘Well then, who is it?’
The young trooper said, ‘I think it’s Jesus, because he’s got Billy Graham for a chauffeur!
Where is God
Two brothers are terrible trouble makers. They are always breaking things, stealing things, lying, and making all kinds of general trouble. The parents have tried everything to get the boys to change, to no avail. Finally, out of options, they ask their pastor if he can help. He says he will talk to the boys, but only one at a time. The parents drop off the youngest and go home, promising to return to get him soon. The boy sits in a chair across from the pastor’s desk and they just look at each other.
Finally, the Pastor says, “Where is God?”
The boy just sits there and doesn’t answer.
The pastor begins to look stern and loudly says, “Where is God?”
The little boy shifts in his seat, but still doesn’t answer.
The pastor is starting to get angry at the boy’s refusal to converse and practically shouts “Where is God?”
To the pastor’s surprise, the little boy jumps up out of his chair and runs out of the office.
The boy leaves the church and runs all the way home, up the stairs and into his brother’s room. He shuts the door and pants, “We’re in BIG TROUBLE. God’s missing and they think we did it!”
A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble. In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and then he bailed out.
Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining. The doctor grabbed one and said “I’m a doctor, I save lives, so I must live,” and jumped out.
The lawyer then said, “I’m a lawyer and lawyers are the smartest people in the world. I deserve to live.” He also grabbed a parachute and jumped.
The priest looked at the little boy and said, “My son, I’ve lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace.”
The little boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said, “Not to worry, Father. The ‘smartest man in the world’ just took off with my back pack.”
THEOLOGY AS EXPLAINED BY CHILDREN
The first book of the Bible is Guinessis, in which Adam & Eve were created from an apple tree.
Noah’s wife was called Joan of Ark.
Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt by day and a ball of fire by night.
Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.
Unleavened bread is bread made without ingredients.
Moses went to the top of Mt. Cyanide to get the 10 commandments.
The 7th commandment is ‘Thou shalt not admit adultery.’
Joshua let the Hebrew in the battle of Geritol.
David fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
Solomon has 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
The people who followed Jesus were called the 13 decibels.
The Epistles were the wives of the Apostles.
One of the opossums was St. Matthew.
Paul preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
A Godly person should have only one wife. This is called monotony.
I hope you had a few giggles and laughs. Take care. God bless all of you. Remember Jesus is the truth and life and He’s coming again. For those who don’t know him. BELIEVE He died on the cross and rose again to save the world. CONFESS the things you’ve done wrong. (REPENT), FIND someone and tell them you accepted Christ as your Savior. ATTEND a church that believes and teaches from the Bible. I John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. sle