Abuse, Causation, Foregiveness & Freedom

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In my novel, “The Journey,”  soon to be published in about three months, the protagonist, Francisca faces abuse as a child and as a married, young woman.  The antagonist, an abuser, Jake Angelotti, also as a child observes abuse of his mother and as well of himself.

I became interested to understand abuse since I like my fictional character faced child abuse as well as I chose to marry a violent man.  For me, I needed to understand why these people in my life were absers.  In my understanding and through Jesus, I found peace and genuinely prayed for those who hurt me.  With praying came a healing and forgiveness. 

Abuse can be genetic.  There are a few theories as to why abuse committed by him or her are not trouble by their actions.   As far as I know, unless corrected, there isn’t any true scientific facts.

Abuse can be part of a cycle.  . A child observes in his natural family abuse and considers this as normal  despite the information in our news media and literature on abuse.  Denial is deep. In my novel, the Antagonist observed his Pa abusing his mother and himself.  He became enraged while he watched the actions of his Pa.  Little did he realize when he grew up, he’d became the exact replica of his Pa.

Abuse can be the enjoyment of power.  It gives the offender a “false sense of strength.”  (Wikipedia)  They have welled up anger inside and take it on the weaker partner. In my story I wrote, repeatedly, Francisca, is beat as a child.  Some of her beatings are as inconsequential such as her not having her barrettes facing the right direction.  The reader observes Jake acting like his father in his and Francisca’s relationship. 

Abuse can be because the person is evil.  The abuser may not possess any social conscience over his actions.  In my story, Jake rationalizes the reason why he beat on Francisca.  The, “If only.” 

Some of the other contributing factors to abuse are use of drugs or alcohol, anger issues, stress and improper moral values.

To understand the reason why the abuser hurts his victims helps.   But for me,  I needed to take ownership of my negative feelings such as hate and a lack of forgiveness.  Prayer and God helped me to heal.  When I called my abuser and ask for them to please forgive me for my anger I held against them, a new Sharon began to occur.  God takes the tangled and convoluted relationships and makes it right. 

Am I angry at God for the abuse in my life?  No.  I live in a fallen world where evil exists.  Why did it have to be me?  There are thousands upon thousands of abused people including the abusers who stand with me.

My prayer for you is, if you have been abused and not forgiven your abuser, go to someone -a minister or clergy of your faith and discuss this with them.  You can ask the Lord to forgive you for your anger and hate, and He will prepare the path to freedom.  

The next blog is going to occur on Tuesday,  the 3rd of September, my birthday.  Until then, I hope you all have a wonderful labor day and please enjoy your family, love ones and friends.

 

 

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4 thoughts on “Abuse, Causation, Foregiveness & Freedom

  1. Hi Sharon, I’m glad you were able to find peace and closure from your past abuse. Forgiveness is a powerful and liberating weapon, more of us need to embrace it and not hold on so tight to our anger and hatred. Could you expand on how “abuse can be genetic?” Wasn’t too clear on this point.

    Take care

  2. Good mrning Bupe Rose!
    From the research I found as of right now there are only hypothesis. One of the articles I read taken from http://www.tamu.edu/~cfergusonevmeta.pdf titled “Genetics contrubing to Antisocial Personality and BehaviourAmeta-AnalyticReview from an Evolutionary Perspective” states they have isolated genes where some were found on the X chromosone and the possible variant Catechol O-methyltransferase(COMT) display greater antisocial behaviour than those with other variants. Also, COMT, it is theroized influences the prefrontal lobe ccortex. This lobe reduces our aggressive behaviour,

    There was a mention in another paper that people with manic/depressive disorders suffer from greater tendency to be violent. From what I infer, the jury is still out. They do not know the exact reason why some people are more aggreessive or violent than others except for known childhood influences where violence occurs.

  3. Very good ! Concise, accurate and informative! I , myself, “enjoyed” verbal abuse more often than anything. Belittlement, blaming
    , domineering, restricting, no praise, controlling, limiting growth (social) and constant criticizing would be on the “Marque of my father’s day”. He was not happy unless he was “crushing” me and Mom. I left home as soon as I could…though I feared I would not live beyond 18 y/o…when I felt I could slowly get “free”, maybe !! By the age of 18, I was very unhappy and had a “big struggle” to change….to BE what I wanted to be and to DO what I wanted to do………I made a point to go back home almost every year, to remember my dad on Holidays and his Birthday’s and to see Mom……the whole time , I anguished as to why he was the way he was…….but I knew he did not have God in his heart…..forgiveness to him was a sign of weakness. IF he felt he had really, really hurt me…he would go to town and buy potato salad, which I enjoyed, and place it in the middle of the kitchen table, but NEVER would say “I’m sorry” or anything, ever.!! WHO could ENJOY the potato salad ???? when you are sooo upset. Many times, I would only take a small helping and that was it…….I wanted him to know potatoes DO NOT heal the HEART !! That was many years ago, but the memories can be vivid @ times, but as the Lord said, “This too will pass” and it did…Praise God.

    • Hi dear friend!
      Yes, many of us were wounded during our childhood, but the challenge as you said is too let those wounds heal. After all, His wounds were evident but healed when He arose. As He said, Forgive them for they know what they do” as He hung on the cross.
      We are so fortunate to have a God who is loving and forgiving. All our wrong doings, He’s forgotten. Let me learn to forgive and forget those who have wronged me and whom I perceive have wronged me.
      Love you.

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