ROMANTIC JEALOUSY FOUR WAYS I LEARNED TO DEAL WITH IT

First of all I wonder why on earth jealousy is called a green-eyed monster.

In Othello, Shakespeare alludes to cats as green-eyed monsters (because the cat has green eyes) in the way that they play with mice before killing them.  This is where the phrase came from.

“O, beware, my lord, of jealousy;
It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock
The meat it feeds on; that cuckold lives in bliss
Who, certain of his fate, loves not his wronger;
But, O, what damned minutes tells he o’er
Who dotes, yet doubts, suspects, yet strongly loves!”

“Romantic jealousy is defined as a complex of thoughts, feelings, and actions which follow threats to self-esteem and/or threats to the existence or quality of the relationship, when those threats are generated by the perception of a real or potential attraction between one’s partner and a (perhaps imaginary) rival  Wikipedia

The emotions felt by a person when jealously is streaming through their veins are  and can be a combination of fear, anger, humiliation, sense of failure, feeling suspicious, threatened, rage, grief, worry, envy, sadness, doubt, pain, and self-pity.
I can remember feeling a few of them as I listened to a program on TV giving information about ways to determine if your husband’s cheating.  One of the things spoken about was your husband or significant other will buy new under clothes when he never did before.

Oh my goodness, I got bit by not a cat, but a monster who invaded my mind.  The emotions that pumped through my brain were jealousy, rejection, anger and a desire to even the score.  I fail to say I was in a long term relationship in which my partner’s eyes from the day we began to live as a couple roved from female to female, and he acted on it. My denial in this relationship was deep, and it took me many years to realize what was happening.   

 My husband, who usually never worried about whether he had holes in his underwear, brought some new ones. I have to admit later on, he needed new underwear. After listening to this program, I marched to the Chester drawers and pulled out my husband’s new pairs of under clothes.  By gum, by golly, he was not going to wear these new items for another woman to admire.  I fetched my scissors and proceeded to cut holes in every single new set he bought. 

Not one word did I say to my husband.  He  put his new,, holey underclothes and said to me, “What happened to my under shorts and undershirt?  They have small holes in them.  I fessed up. 

Now, let me tell you the emotions I felt. They were stupid, childish, regret, foolish and shame to list but a few.  I asked for his forgiveness and he forgave me.  Thank God, he has a good sense of humor.  From time to time, he’ll bring it up.  One of his comments is, “No wonder I’m practically bald,  you made me lose all my hair!” 

Needless to say, I was not walking close to the Lord.  What did I learn from my sudden burst of insanity?  I learned this:

1.  PRAY Ask the Lord for wisdom.

2.  WAIT Don’t act on it.  Tread water.  Do you see other signs of infidelity?

3.  COMMUNICATE Tell your significant other you need to talk.  Say the “I feel,”  LISTEN and REPEAT what you think you hear.  This is called active listening.

4.  SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP  If none of this works, talk to a professional about how you’re feeling or both of you can attend counseling.

You ask me if I continue to be touched by jealousy.  There are times in the last close to thirty-eight years we’ve been married, the old ugly, green monster popped up.   I don’t act on it.  I talk to my husband about how I’m feeling.  My jealousy is put to rest, and we continue to live out lives as best we can.  

Tell me, have you ever experienced romantic jealousy?  What did you do about it? 

 

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3 thoughts on “ROMANTIC JEALOUSY FOUR WAYS I LEARNED TO DEAL WITH IT

  1. I tried to never fall into the pit of jealousy. Cause it makes you act vindictive, sharp tongued, revengeful and stupid ! Stupid…because if the individual REALLY was worthy of you, if they REALLY loved you, if they were Really committed to the relationship……they would not be doing what they are doing to hurt you !! They are NOT WORTH your suffering……You need to say “You want to be with HER/ HIM…go for it ! But YOU are OUT of HERE ! “….and stick to it!!! The more you try to make them stay, the worse they treat you….lose respect towards you. Manytimes the cheater says to his/ her buddies….”Well, they must LIKE to be treated this way…why else are they begging me to stick around?!”……Don’t get me wrong….I have been hurt to the core!! by a cheating husband……I stayed out of the “pit”, but the hurt was there ’cause I loved him…but after awhile the “love” eased off…..he and I had 2 different goals in life. His goal was to indulge in CHEAP THRILLS and to succumb to morally illegal behaviors…….my goal was to continue my pregnancy and make a life for me and my baby. As soon as I realized, to my core, our differences, it was easier to move forward and forge out a life for my son and I….one of GOOD….leaving the EVIL behind ! And God was waiting for me, as I came out of the Tunnel of Despair…..with outstretched hands for my son and I….Amen !

  2. Pingback: 15 Tips for a New Relationship | oheyitsanjie

  3. Hi Barbara,
    Beautifully written. Yes, when I came out of my relationship, like a mother hen, i put my wings around my children to protect them. At this time I was not following the Lord, so I made a few detours along the road to meet His open arms.

    :Love you. OXOX

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