First of all I wonder why on earth jealousy is called a green-eyed monster.
In Othello, Shakespeare alludes to cats as green-eyed monsters (because the cat has green eyes) in the way that they play with mice before killing them. This is where the phrase came from.
“O, beware, my lord, of jealousy;
It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock
The meat it feeds on; that cuckold lives in bliss
Who, certain of his fate, loves not his wronger;
But, O, what damned minutes tells he o’er
Who dotes, yet doubts, suspects, yet strongly loves!”
“Romantic jealousy is defined as a complex of thoughts, feelings, and actions which follow threats to self-esteem and/or threats to the existence or quality of the relationship, when those threats are generated by the perception of a real or potential attraction between one’s partner and a (perhaps imaginary) rival Wikipedia
The emotions felt by a person when jealously is streaming through their veins are and can be a combination of fear, anger, humiliation, sense of failure, feeling suspicious, threatened, rage, grief, worry, envy, sadness, doubt, pain, and self-pity.
I can remember feeling a few of them as I listened to a program on TV giving information about ways to determine if your husband’s cheating. One of the things spoken about was your husband or significant other will buy new under clothes when he never did before.
Oh my goodness, I got bit by not a cat, but a monster who invaded my mind. The emotions that pumped through my brain were jealousy, rejection, anger and a desire to even the score. I fail to say I was in a long term relationship in which my partner’s eyes from the day we began to live as a couple roved from female to female, and he acted on it. My denial in this relationship was deep, and it took me many years to realize what was happening.
My husband, who usually never worried about whether he had holes in his underwear, brought some new ones. I have to admit later on, he needed new underwear. After listening to this program, I marched to the Chester drawers and pulled out my husband’s new pairs of under clothes. By gum, by golly, he was not going to wear these new items for another woman to admire. I fetched my scissors and proceeded to cut holes in every single new set he bought.
Not one word did I say to my husband. He put his new,, holey underclothes and said to me, “What happened to my under shorts and undershirt? They have small holes in them. I fessed up.
Now, let me tell you the emotions I felt. They were stupid, childish, regret, foolish and shame to list but a few. I asked for his forgiveness and he forgave me. Thank God, he has a good sense of humor. From time to time, he’ll bring it up. One of his comments is, “No wonder I’m practically bald, you made me lose all my hair!”
Needless to say, I was not walking close to the Lord. What did I learn from my sudden burst of insanity? I learned this:
1. PRAY Ask the Lord for wisdom.
2. WAIT Don’t act on it. Tread water. Do you see other signs of infidelity?
3. COMMUNICATE Tell your significant other you need to talk. Say the “I feel,” LISTEN and REPEAT what you think you hear. This is called active listening.
4. SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP If none of this works, talk to a professional about how you’re feeling or both of you can attend counseling.
You ask me if I continue to be touched by jealousy. There are times in the last close to thirty-eight years we’ve been married, the old ugly, green monster popped up. I don’t act on it. I talk to my husband about how I’m feeling. My jealousy is put to rest, and we continue to live out lives as best we can.
Tell me, have you ever experienced romantic jealousy? What did you do about it?